This is the story of my birth.
No. Not that one.
I was raised in church. As a child, I remember Sunday School with fondness. Bible stories about Adam and Eve, Noah and the ark, Jonah and the whale. Beautiful stories. I loved the music we sang and still enjoy old hymns. Mother used to take us to all-night gospel singings. These are some of my best memories of childhood. I seriously wanted to be Vestal Goodman with a voice that rang out loud and strong.
I even got baptized in those young years. I followed my brother down the isle one Sunday and we were baptized in the river a few weeks later. Nobody knew that I just walked down the isle because he did. Nothing changed inside of me.
By the time I was in high school, my attendance was sporadic. I had in my mind that when I graduated, I would get serious with church and all those “God” things. After high school, I would work on being “good”. After all, I did want to go to heaven. Between college and work, though, that didn’t happen.
The year after I graduated high school, I was working part-time at a bank, printing checks, while also taking classes at the local community college. It was a good job. When I got my work done, I was allowed to study or read.
It was during this time that a friend gave me a book. It was about God and the end times. When she talked about it… when she talked about God… her eyes lit up. She talked about how He loved her. Even though I was raised in church, I didn’t have that. I had never heard that God LOVED me. I know it was taught. I just didn’t hear. Scripture talks about people who have ears to hear and people who don’t. I didn’t.
My friend believed that God loved her. I wanted to believe it too.
The book drew me in quickly. Those apocalyptic stories made this church girl think. I read it at home, at school between classes, and at work. I couldn’t put it down.
I was sitting at my desk at that bank in downtown Gadsden, Alabama. Checks printed. Free time. The last chapter. That’s when it happened. The most significant spiritual experience of my life.
I don’t remember the words of the last chapter. I only remember what happened to me when I finished it. It wasn’t fear. It was clarity. It was literally like something physical fell off my eyes. Scales. Scales fell off my eyes and I could see. I saw truth. I saw that hell was real. I saw that I was going there and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I saw that I could never be good enough to earn my way into heaven. I saw that destiny and it was not good.
Deflated, I thought to myself, “Wow, I wonder if there is any way out of this.”
Turning the page, in big bold letters, I read.
“Jesus died so you would not have to go to hell.”
There are no words for the relief that flooded me.
A simple prayer was provided. I prayed. Life came into my body. I was born. Born of the Spirit. Relief and gratitude filled my heart. Love overwhelmed me. I loved everyone and had peace like I had never known. I was changed.
I was a different person after that. My church and bible took on new meaning. Though I still loved singing the music and reading the stories, it was about more than that. It was about knowing Jesus. It wasn’t about being good enough, it was about the fact that I could never be good enough.
We celebrate our natural birthdays with gifts and cake. Although we don’t normally celebrate our spiritual birthday the same, I am forever grateful for that day.
The day I learned that God LOVES. And He loved me.
John 3:3-6
Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” John 3:3-6 (ESV)
Note from Author: First Published on September, 17, 2022 on scwritersconferenc.wixsite.com – this was my piece submitted to the SCWC September challenge to write an essay about a birthday memory. It won 2nd place. Hope you enjoyed! Jena